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random thoughts on headphones

Someone asks: I have a question about headphones -
"What do we really need the 'L' and 'R' indicators on them for? Is it not true that the vast majority of music will sound fine whichever ear you stuff the things in?"

If the audio is linked with vision then obviously it matters. I wired my projector the wrong way into the stereo and it was quite odd seeing people walking from left to right while hearing their steps pattering from right to left.

Swapping the L&R of a piece of music should not affect its objective integrity. It's still exactly the same piece of music after all, with nothing added or subtracted. The trouble is it then has to strike our ears and be processed by two halves of brain in order to be heard and enjoyed. If the listener is habituated to certain conventions such as the spatial arrangement of an orchestra, e.g the trombones parping on the right, then to hear them suddenly on the left may produce a feeling of unease, much as one feels looking at a photo of oneself when used to seeing one's ugly fizzog in the mirror. This is I suspect merely due to conditioning and could presumably be reduced with repetition.

More interestingly perhaps are subtle disctinctions between both the ways in which the different ears respond to sound and the way in which sounds are processed by the two brain hemispheres.

"From birth, the ear is structured to distinguish between various types of sounds and to send them to the optimal side in the brain for processing," explains Yvonne Sininger, Ph.D., visiting professor of head and neck surgery at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA. "Yet no one has looked closely at the role played by the ear in processing auditory signals." LOL at David Geffen school of medicine. School of rawk, surely?

"The auditory regions of the two halves of the brain sort out sound differently. The left side dominates in deciphering speech and other rapidly changing signals, while the right side leads in processing tones and music. Our findings demonstrate that auditory processing starts in the ear before it is ever seen in the brain [...] even at birth, the ear is structured to distinguish between different types of sound and to send it to the right place in the brain."

So could this mean, for example, that rhythms might be processed more effectively if piped in on one side and complex melodies or harmonies on t'other? And thus to swap over one's favourite track could ensure we process it suboptimally and don't enjoy it as much as we should? Are sound engineers aware of this? I suspect the brain is so fast it makes little difference, but you never know. Either way, if it's Oasis blaring out I'll be using my third ear only, to mark my appreciation.

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form flounders where function failed

Welcome to my humble home. The ultimate purpose of this desultory patch of web space is uncertain. However, the current and pressing reason for its pitiful existence is simply to provide a canvas on which I can experiment. After ten years' of self-employment as a derivatives trader, a rewarding but perhaps somewhat narrow field in which to develop one's entire career, I am decidedly eager for change and inspired to nestle under the welcoming umbrella of web development, where logic and creativity sing a mean harmony. Obviously this means I need deft skills in the relevant areas:

• XHTML (structure) and CSS (style) that conforms to WCAG accessibility guidelines
• Graphic design principles expressed in Photoshop and/or Fireworks
• Server-side scripting (e.g. PHP) with sound knowledge of the object-oriented approach
• Relational database design
• Structured query language (SQL)
• Secure coding
• Copywriting
• Javascript and AJAX (preferably running smoothly on Rails :-)
• Flash

These are the typical tools of the contemporary dynamic site developer so I must know them intimately. Fortunately I have a minuscule head start as I once tarnished the internet with my own dangerously loose HTML several years ago, when Dreamweaver was but a wee lad in the short trousers of version 2. It would have knackered a modern validator engine.

More dubiously I can offer, erm, a history of programming the BBC Master 128k in assembly language at school, often in order to coerce it and twelve of its friends to play an indescribably irritating rendition of Cavatina with a 50ms delay between each; or to build elaborate trojan horses to capture the occasional password (for ethical use only, of course!). Neither activity brought joy to my poor computer master, but at least I discovered a peculiar love for coding. At school I also benefitted from an excellent grounding in Latin and Greek, neither one a particularly easy language, especially when required to translate from one to the other. To return to the present, one of the joys of working for Leeds University is free access to a staggering range of books and since the New Year I have taken the opportunity to burrow through a vast number to complement my fierce retraining schedule. I've listed some of my favourites in the sidebar on the About page. Fortunately much of the content has remained between my ears and is ready to help sell your product, build a killer bleeding-edge application or improve your institution's web presence. More on that later.

portfolio

Pouring theory into my head is only a quarter of the battle, of course. The proof is in the pudding, so I need a site like this to demonstrate tangible (well, visible) results of my mental labours. So far, they are not going to raise an eyebrow, except in derision: I am all too aware that these early pages are reminiscent of a boring fourteen year old wannabe hacker's, perhaps worse. However grant me some time and this will change.

Meanwhile, here's a sketch in progress: a childishly simple page that sports offputting complementary colours, a style sheet switcher and a vaguely cunning CSS/PHP navigation bar.

I've also coded up this Pool League page on behalf of some friends, who specified parts of the design and will be adding their own dynamic content later. This taught me a lot about responding to client needs and sharing workflow among a team.

Here's an opportunity to buy some kittens, a basic CMS admin page, a handy booze calculator and a weird plate graphic!

Finally, the project du jour: a shopping cart application using OOP. As you can see I've only just started this.

for hire

If you happen to be a potential employer who wants a bright and eager junior to join your development team then please get in touch. As I am simply looking for a creative and intellectually rewarding way to spend my time, the level of salary is unimportant (within reason). If I can build this site from scratch in 18.181 weeks (frugi was born on 1/3/08) with no previous knowledge of CSS 2/PHP/SQL, while working full time, imagine what my undivided attention could do for you in a few months. If you are not convinced (and I admit I might not be on this scant evidence) then please check back soon, as I am determined to create a portfolio that demonstrates my ability to tackle every stage of a site's development with aplomb. Please feel free to contact me here.

i only want to see some llamas

For family and friends who have choked on this technical self-aggrandising nonsense and who simply want to see some low quality snaps of Patmos, Bequia, our wedding, or yes, llamas, please click on the red portion of the "Simon" game above this column (or here) and you shall be faintly rewarded. I'm afraid you'll need to register first so I have a vague idea of who's looking at them. Well, actually I don't care at all, but it was a good excuse to write some more code.

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